There's a light at the end of the tunnel!

     Have you ever heard someone say, “There’s a light at the end of the tunnel?” I’ve heard the statement many times in my life and shared it with my husband during some of our trials.

     I remember when my husband had a few years left in college and was working two jobs to keep our small family fed. We were really low on money and had a third child in my belly. We could not see a way to finish his last year in college. We became so discouraged and were ready to quit trying for his graduation certificate, but miraculously the money appeared for the last year of his schooling! I remember how hard it was for him to keep going with all the stresses from his responsibilities at work and school. It was also really hard for me to parent three children by myself while he finished his last year but we knew we were almost to the finish line and we would say, “The light is at the end of the tunnel.”

     There have been many times in my life I’ve looked for that light at the end of the tunnel. When you think about a tunnel or cave it’s a pretty dark place if you walk through it alone. The farther you walk into the dark it becomes pitch black. The farther you get from the entrance it starts to get colder and colder. If you are alone in a deep cave or tunnel and feel the blackness surrounding you, the first idea you have is to find some source of light to guide you back toward the entrance of the cave or tunnel. It may scare you to feel around in the darkness with your eyes wide open to try finding a pinpoint of light to help guide you back. Once you start to walk in the direction of the tiny guiding light it starts to become brighter and before you know it you are stepping out of the cave into the light and you begin to enjoy the warmth of the sun on your face again.

     I’m not an adventurous person so I usually don’t like crawling around in dark places. Caves feel a little too cold and dark for me but there are people who love caves, climbing up cliffs and swimming in oceans next to sharks; they love the adventure of all things but they understand the dangers involved and are willing to take the risks to learn something they need to learn.

     Boys and girls of all ages, you are amazing and are in this world to learn so many wonderful things. You will walk into some tunnels along the way and feel there is no way out. If you get into a dark place in life and feel like there’s no way out… please call your friends and ask them to bring you a flashlight to help you find the entrance to your life again. The entrance is waiting for you but you have to believe it and walk in the right direction to get out of the tunnel. The light really is at the end of the tunnel. It’s been there for me many times and I know it’s there for you!

Scars of Courage

     I remember watching sadly as my son had an extensive heart procedure done to save his life. It was a hard time for him and our family. He actually had to go back for a second surgery about five months later. The surgeries left some major scars on his chest. After a few more years we received a beautiful granddaughter to our family who has been challenged with the devastating disease of type one diabetes. A few years after she received the diagnosis she developed a flesh-eating bacteria on her ankle and it traveled up her leg to cause major damage to her skin. She could have lost her leg or her life to the threatening bacteria. The scars caused great concerns for these two young people. They were worried about what other people would think about their skin, but as time went by they realized they were wearing scars of courage and became comfortable with the new look they are wearing. The scars tell a story of how they passed very hard tests in life and they learned amazing lessons from their tests. Some people have scar damage on their feelings inside. They have had great amounts of emotional pain but their scars do not show on the outside.

     I remember the small pieces of bubble gum I would buy in my childhood years. The wrapper had these little papers with pictures on them. The paper had a sticky side to it so I could stick the picture on my hand. If I put water on the paper then the picture would transfer onto my hand and would be there for a few days. It was like magic! We called the picture a tattoo. It was fun for a few days but then I wanted to take it off. I started to notice people who wanted to keep the pictures on their skin for their whole life and it confused me? I asked myself, “Why would somebody want to wear pictures or words on their skin for their whole life?”

     I’ve thought about tattoos and the people who like to wear them. I’ve thought about the scars of courage my son and granddaughter wear and it makes me wonder if people who draw permanent pictures and words on their skin are showing themselves their scars of courage too? They carefully choose the pictures and colors of their tattoo to tell a story to the world. I’ve heard people tell me it hurts tremendously to poke the different colors into their skin. Maybe they have scars on their hearts and inside their thoughts that need to be released? Maybe they feel they need to wear their scars of courage where their stories can finally be seen?

     My husband has an Uncle Bill who decided to get some tattoos while he served in the Navy. His uncle was the most kind and gentle man I have ever met. He was a school teacher and taught many children throughout his life. Everybody loved Bill! He carefully picked the pictures, words and colors for his tattoos when he was young. The pictures and words he chose during his Navy years also included the name of a girl he dated while in the Navy; but they decided to take different paths in their lives and he was left wearing her name on his arm. He finally met the girl of his dreams and married her. His sweet wife realized she did not have her name printed on his arm because she knew her name was printed in his heart. Bill did regret the decision he had made to print the other girl’s name on his arm because of an impulsive moment during his dating years. He grew strong in character and eventually joined a church which taught the principle of keeping your body clean and unblemished from the world but he knew he could not get the tattoos removed from his skin. The other church members realized he was a great man and never judged him for his tattoos because they realized the tattoos were a part of the memories from his past. Bill had a wonderful wife and great memories he created with her. Some people would ask about Bill’s tattoos and he would tell them his story; he always appreciated those who listened and understood. Bill died a few years ago but his lessons of courage to overcome great obstacles in his life still live on in our hearts as we remember this great man. He no longer needs to wear or explain the tattoos because his story has been told.

     Maybe we can be kind to those who choose to wear stories on their bodies because they wear their stories for a reason and the reason could be worth listening to? Maybe the stories they wear from their past will become reminders of lessons learned and help them move forward to their future lives? It could be very interesting to ask about the stories behind the tattoos.

     Boys and girls of all ages, I’m not one to encourage people to permanently paint their skin or burn brands into their bodies and my kids know I discourage them from doing it; but if it is already there, I keep thinking about Bill and how he lived a perfectly great life along with his tattoos. It’s more important to love these most beautifully scarred emotions as they courageously surface to be seen. Have you ever asked somebody about their tattoos? They would probably be happy to explain their pictures to you, and if you listen with an open heart you may find something in the story to help you see life differently.

#dewcrewbooks #reactiveattachmentdisorder #developmentaltraumadisorder #complextraumadisorder #childrensbooks

NO! GO AWAY!

     I remember we moved into a new neighborhood when my children were still young. My oldest boy had some girls come over to welcome him to the neighborhood because they thought he was cute. My youngest boy was in the bathtub when the doorbell rang so I put a towel around him and went to answer the door. I pulled the drain and left the toddler standing in the towel; as I opened the front door the group of girls screamed and ran away! I turned around to see that my toddler was standing behind me with the towel wide open to show his naked little body to the world! The toddler giggled with glee while I turned a few shades of red; this was not my favorite moment in life. My sweet toddler had no idea of how inappropriate his behavior was because his brain was not old enough for that kind of thinking, but the girls knew he was wrong and ran away.  

     Science has proven repeated viewing of naked bodies can actually rewire a person’s brain. It triggers the brain to pump out chemicals and form new pathways leading to lasting changes in the brain. People who look at naked bodies repeatedly can actually have brains that become less connected, less active and even physically smaller in some areas.  People who repeatedly look at pornography develop what is called a neuronal pathway and it's like creating a pathway in a forest. Every time the person looks at naked pictures of other people he/she uses that pathway and it gets wider and becomes more permanent; then the pathway in the brain creates a need to think about naked bodies every day, all day long, and that is called an addictive behavior. A person can actually fall into a dream-like state of mind to forget what time it is and other really important things he/she should be doing. Here’s the worst part of looking at other peoples’ naked bodies, you start to forget about the light they carry inside their heart and your mind starts to believe the other person is like a toy to be played with. The addiction can become so strong in some people they stop caring about touching people in nice ways and they start to touch people in wrong ways. The pathway in their brain has become so wide and deep they have created a monster inside their own brain.

     There are many times in my life where something happened to create a deep pathway in my brain. The memory of my toddler standing naked in front of the group of girls on my front porch has remained with me for many years and I’m sure it has remained with the sweet group of girls who ran away; but we were surprised by an adorable harmless little boy who was not old enough to understand his behavior.

     I have a major warning for boys and girls of all ages… you do not want to be surprised by naked bodies. There are people old enough to know better and they have pathways in their brains that are not working right because they choose to see naked bodies. There are beautiful places on our bodies people should not ask to touch or see. I call these places the swim suit places. There is a reason swim suits cover these special body parts because they will grow to have great powers. When you are a grown up you will understand the special powers as they start to grow. Right now it will be hard for you to understand the powers, because you don't have them yet, so you will learn about them when you become a teenager. Young child brains are not ready to have that learning because a brain needs to learn it’s A,B,C’s first. There is a time and place for everything and your parents know why… so listen to them! They will teach you the lessons you need to know at a time when you need to know the lessons. Don’t try learning things before your brain is ready to learn them. You cannot be President of the United States at your age because you still have a lot to learn.
      If anybody asks if they can touch the swim suit place on your body you can use your super power and proudly yell, “NO! GO AWAY!”; then run tell a grown-up who will get the person the help they need because the inappropriate person really needs a lot of help.

     I know some ladies and gentlemen who were touched in their most special places when they were young children and they told me how they felt the light in their hearts turn off when it happened. They did not like being touched! It took a very long time to turn the light back on in their heart. Keep your light shining bright! Remember to yell, “NO! GO AWAY!” It’s your super power! If somebody asks you to look at pictures with naked bodies yell, “NO! GO AWAY!” and keep the brain monster from ruining your life.

*I've read many articles before writing this blog and it would be very hard to put them all together for you. Please be sure to Google the information if you are not sure about the information I have shared because it is not my intention to lead any person astray.*

#dewcrewbooks #reactiveattachmentdisorder #developmentaltraumadisorder #complextraumadisorder #childrensbooks